I give up

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Wow.I have been away from you guys for a while now. I have missed you and now I am back. I would like to start by apologizing for my absence and inform you that I am doing well. Things have been really hectic and I felt like I was on a roller coaster.

I have experienced happiness, excitement, peace within one hour and within minutes on  s I felt miserable, down, depressed, alone. Other times I felt high on anger and a deep sense of pain and loss. What other feelings are there to feel?

The many questions I am bombarded with in my mine is unbelievable. I sift through my thoughts on a morning and file them according to the intensity. As the day goes by I am forced to file many more as they arise and by evening, I find myself encouraging my mind to take control of its thought production. Can an individual feel so confused? Fighting off thoughts and feelings and trying to remain calm. Regardless, I believe at the end of it all the person who walks out of all this ciaos is a strong individual.

What is the underlying reason for all these emotions? The answer I believe is Change. I believe I have changed. For better or worse, that I am not sure of. I would like to think it’s for the better, however, it feels like the worse. I have either toughen up from the sweet soft petal I identified with or I have gotten cold.Things I made an issue of prior to this ciaos feeling of an experience, I disregard now. I made a decision, one which will keep me sane.To give up. I chose to give up on things that pestered me. I quit worrying. I have given up on what I think people may think of me. I have chosen to appreciate simplicity and life, to love laugh and enjoy peace of mind. I chose to live.

 

 

A father without a sun

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Everyone is happy on a sunny day. We smile and feel grateful for the warmth that the sun brings. Many things get accomplished on a sunny day, but what happens when the sun has gone down and the clouds get dark? On this day many people go through different emotions. Some are happy that their fathers are present, while others feel abandoned. Others are grateful to have dads who are alive, even if he only provides for them financially. Some crave the attention of their fathers and wish they could buy 60 minutes of his time or do a crime just to spend time in the cell with their fathers.

 On the other hand, we have the fathers who try. They try to provide, support and be a man only to learn that they don’t know how. They too were abandoned and have tried to be different but have no idea how to.  The ones in prison trying desperately to change hoping that one day they will get to be a part of their Childs’ life.

To the fathers who have taken the step to adopt, I say bravo. To the fathers who are lost at what their job description entails I say keep trying. To the children who can’t seem to forgive their fathers, I say release. To the children who have the love and support of their fathers, I say share it. Don’t give up on the dads, pray them into being fathers.

To my husband  who never got the chance to be a father but in the short space of time proved to me that he  has the potential to be a great father, I say there is hope. I pray that God will bless the fruit of your loin and one day we will be blessed.

Quiet confidence

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We all have had these times in life where we felt lost. Times when  people’s words cut through us and left us wounded. Times when we battle negative thoughts and struggle to come out victorious.  We all have gone through this period when our confidence cried out and we held on. I have gone through, I held onto hope, knowing that this period of time must be temporary.

Here are 8 ways to create a source of confidence.

1.Know your purpose 

What do you enjoy doing? What is your passion? There is this one thing that you find yourself doing naturally without placing any thought into in.  Some persons have the gift of giving, helping, dancing, writing, teaching and many others.Make it your duty to discover your hidden talent.

2.  Knowledge of your potential

Birds fly, they were born with the potential to fly. Fishes swim, no one taught them and seeds bring forth trees. You were prepacked from the womb with your potential hidden inside you. You were born with the potential to do, naturally anything you set your mind to do you can. Explore your inner potential.

3. Knowledge of your resources

  A resource is an asset that can be transformed to produce benefit. The body and brain  are major resources that help us achieve much.We are to maintain our bodies by  exercising regularly and  eating healthy foods. The of  type of music, TV shows and conversations we engage ourselves in , our relationship with our families and mentors has a huge impact on our mind. Therefore we must ensure the information we receive from them are positive.

4. Knowing your source

Knowing your source, your maker and the one who sustains you is very important. I know that my creator has a plan for my life and I believe what he says he will do, because he cannot lie.Promotions come from him not from persons around me. He is the one who provides and sustains my every need, he knows me inside and out and in him I gain peace and confidence. Psalm 71:5-6 ( for your have been my hope lord, my confidence since my youth,from birth I rely on you.

5. Knowing your value

You are royalty. If a king is born in the poorest part of a county he is still a king. The value of a $100 bill withdrawn from an ATM machine and a $100 bill found floating in a  dirty drain is the same. Knowing your value gives you confidence. In your work place you know that you are being underpaid, however that does not change your value. You are a great contribution to the firm with or without the position or the salary you want.

6. Knowing your ability

Knowing what u are capable of doing is key to confidence. You may have a passion for dancing  however you are skilled in technology and design, sewing or painting. Your skill is what makes you stand out.

7. Know your uniqueness

You are an original. There is no one else like you, no one has the same fingerprint, face or attitude that you possess.With your skills and abilities comes your uniqueness, therefore be confident in what you do, knowing that no one can replace you.

8. Be confident in your future

Be confident knowing that what ever you are going through is temporary. The result is already complete,even before the process began. Be quiet in your confidence knowing that to everything there is a season. Trust and believe that your future is already complete and that your are walking into it.Job 8:7 Your beginning will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.

 

Life’s beautiful

 

There it was, life’s beauty, just as Mathew 18:3 stated {Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven}

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Children running around enjoying themselves, laughing uncontrollably and being fearless. They possess an attitude of freedom, nothing holding them back. They wear a look of confidence on their faces and  a smile which says I will never give up. Just as they fall down, they quickly rise up and commence again. As they  fight, they forgive. These curious kids explore small spaces as if it were a mystery island, they travel from one playground to another and their imagination forces them to create beauty. Carefree, enjoying life and bravely trusting adults to care for them.

If only as adults we possessed these characteristics, there would seldom murders, suicide and less pain. We would be free to think and pursue our thoughts, as worry would not imprison us nor would anxiety. We would understand that in the same instant that someone hurts us we are to forgive. Just as the birds and the bees enjoy nature and the kids explore islands in their back yard we too must take time to be free.  Fill our minds with positive attitudes and use our eyes and imagination to build beautiful scenes. We must become like little children and live as kings and queens in this kingdom.

Welcome to June

Hi everyone.  I would like to apologize for my absence.  Things have been so hectic with the school year coming to an end. I will be updating you guys as time passes.

What’s new?

Well I do plan on getting a new pet,  preferably  a cat. They are just so loving and cute.  This should start my vacation off really well.  I also intend to go to parts of my island that I haven’t been to. I would really like you to experience it with me,  therefore as I travel I will post photos so you guys can see. And finally,  books books books.  I intend to read a few  books to gain some knowledge.  My First this far is,Battlefield of the mind!

Go ahead and get that to do list ready, I am all ready to go. What about you?

The grieving mother

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As the day nears 28.04.16 I keep thinking.  Thinking about what would have been.
What would his smile be like,  his interest,  what hobbies he would posses.
  I catch my self coming close to tears on the way home,  thinking.  Thinking about what sport he would have played, what team he would support.  Whose smile would he would have had.  Thinking deeply about life and how unfair it may seem, but I will hold on to the promises made by God.  Promises which have keep me going 11months 27 days.  I won’t give up.  I chose to celebrate his existence. 

Why don’t we have?

12:57am, and here I am pinning. I love Pinterest. I came across some words which had me reflecting. They are as follows.

James 4:1-2
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

There I am thinking I want things,  both material and intangible. I am going to put my faith to the test and ask for what I want believe in him that I will receive.

Controversial Love

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Us. Mr and Mrs Emmanuel. If ever I doubted fate then when I met this guy I certainly had faith. Who would have thought that 10 years ago, while enjoying one of my favorite hobbies I would would have met my future husband.

Well, the story goes like this..

I saw this gentle man staring at me with this huge smile. This is basically the first thing i remember about my husband, his smile.Then, he offered for me to take a sit next to him on the bus. This was the beginning of an island adventure, where exploring the piton, taking sea baths and dancing to tropical music under the palm trees. I enjoyed my moments with him, however the day had to come to an end. Therefore, I said my goodbye and was gone. Gone for two years.

We had no form of contact, well back then Facebook really wasn’t an option. With time I learned to forget about the gentleman with the beautiful smile.

College had been stressful, after all my studies involved architecture which I love dearly, but with assignments accumulating I needed a break. It was then, when my soul was tired and restless, I saw the smiling gentleman. My smiling gentleman, occupied with the hands of another. We had perfect eye contact, and it was the longest, most beautiful stare, but then it had to end. That night was long. I regretted not speaking to him or at least getting his number. With that said, I too had my arms occupied.

Another year passed by, and still no contact, until that night when a second eye contact followed by a beautiful smile caught my attention. It was then subconsciously we both told ourselves we would be together, without spoken words. Time had its fun, the wait and wondering would finally be stopped. A decision needed to be made. And it was with that momentous piercing stare.

We met again, coincidentally as if time was on our side. We did utter words this time. Words followed by silly smiles and meaningless nothings. We decided to keep in contact even without thinking about it. It was done. Let the dating games begin.

Two years later I walked down that isle, with butterflies in my tummy, anticipation and excitement to meet this guy with the beautiful smile. This time we decided to capture and make it last. No more smiles from a far, no more late night wondering and no more what if’s.

When you are inspired to do something great, do so. Never give up on beautiful things and people.