Being used by you

When someone takes advantage of your goodness or willingness,uses your resources, money emotions and such for his own gain, and at the end of the day you’re the one that suffered a loss, be it in material form or emotional.” unknown.
I have often felt this way and so I have purposely designed a wall to protect my emotions from such. I feel so violated and emptied when an individual only contacts me when they need to retrieve something from me. Worse yet when they dont even ask how am I doing, but jumps right in an ask for favors, money and help. 

I feel a sense of caring and I still try to stretch out my hands and do the best that I can. I also believe that God helps those who help themself. I mean, it would give someone great joy to help you in any situation if they realise that you are putting in some sort of effort. Too often persons tend to sit around, relax and expect to be given favors and dimes when the need arises.

If there is one individual I admire, is that human on the street hustling to provide for his family. It shows determination. Additionally some persons do tend to put themselves in the situations that they’re in. Yo out there enjoying all sorts of parties, and on the week day you have nothing to eat. ( yes these things do happen). If you know you cannot afford to keep up with your current lifestyle, there is absolutely nothing wrong in with downgrading. ( so who gives a hoot if people talk. Let them!) As long as you have your sanity, this is all that matters. 

I like to believe that I have many sides according to people, some may say am friendly and caring, others may say am stiff and hard to give. A few may say they wont even bother asking because I dont give. Truth is I do give, I do bless people  but I assess first. Some persons I have softer hearts for, but I do share from what father has blessed me with. When I give, I asses by saying has this person positioned themselves to do better than their current situation. Is my giving helping them get out of their situation or am I  enabling them to get comfortable and be content.( these are the ones who tend to use  people). When I give, does it push that person a step closer to their goals or do they get a bill paid, have no worries and two days later they are up in the club shaking what moma gave them. Some seem to be even happier than youself, yet still ask just to have that fund be used to purchase clothing or unnecessary things.  Therefore  call me stiff but I think before I give. 

After all Father did bless us with wisdom, we are to use it and make solid decisions. Therefore,I have decided to no longer be used, played with or flirted with ( emotionally) for any reason whatsoever. I will give when Father ask me too. 

Outside looking in

Its amazing, how much information we gather about someone by just one glance. We formulate our own perceptions and fill in the blanks with whatever makes a good story. Its even worse when we gather information from other individuals regarding that one individual, whom we have already made a decision about. 
When someone speaks positive into that persons life, the same individuak we had already made our minds up about, we start to wonder. We then question ourselves, is this really true? No one has spoken such great things about this person. Hmmmm. 

Its at that moment when we decide to take a step, and spend some time with the individual, listen to them, learn their passions, their pain,their victories and short comings. It is then we begin to appreciate and understand the individual. We begin to love and admire their strength, their story and a friendship bond is developed. Then it happens again, someone on the outside is now scanning and formulating their own perceptions of you. There your stand knowing that you once were in their position, on the outside looking in.

Get excited about life!!

Sometimes when I vanish, I enter a world of peace and place where I get to sort out my thoughts. When I leave that place I feel renewed and fresh. I am excited about life all over again! Although there are  many disappointments on a weekly basis, I choose to find inspiration and the strength to go on living.

The first thing I would suggest to you if you are feeling down is understand that life does not stop there. It is only a phase and as you go through, there is something much bigger and exciting in store.

Secondly, take some time off. Wake up early and wait for the sun to rise. Admire the beauty as its rays brings forth light to the entire place. Remember point one, nothing last forever, the place was once dark now the sun has brought with it light!

Then, take a look around, list all the things a that you are greatful for. Your ability to speak, walk and run. If none of these apply to you, just the ability to have breath of life is a true blessing. Take some time to admire nature and be grateful.

Enjoy life! Go hiking( I am going take this advice for myself). Head to the beach, have a picnic, play some music and dance. Enjoy a great book, sit on your porch and let nature amaze you. When was the last time you listened to the birds sing? Plan new adventures and  journal the outcome.

Finally, turn your lemons into some great tasting juice! At times we feel that our situations are sour and we hate to deal with them. However I advice that you take time to deal with these situations and turn them into something great. It may be a rainy day, and you are disappointed because you had such great plans. Take this time to go outside and have some fun in the rain. Make some lovely memories.

Remember in everything give thanks.

I give up


Wow.I have been away from you guys for a while now. I have missed you and now I am back. I would like to start by apologizing for my absence and inform you that I am doing well. Things have been really hectic and I felt like I was on a roller coaster.

I have experienced happiness, excitement, peace within one hour and within minutes on  s I felt miserable, down, depressed, alone. Other times I felt high on anger and a deep sense of pain and loss. What other feelings are there to feel?

The many questions I am bombarded with in my mine is unbelievable. I sift through my thoughts on a morning and file them according to the intensity. As the day goes by I am forced to file many more as they arise and by evening, I find myself encouraging my mind to take control of its thought production. Can an individual feel so confused? Fighting off thoughts and feelings and trying to remain calm. Regardless, I believe at the end of it all the person who walks out of all this ciaos is a strong individual.

What is the underlying reason for all these emotions? The answer I believe is Change. I believe I have changed. For better or worse, that I am not sure of. I would like to think it’s for the better, however, it feels like the worse. I have either toughen up from the sweet soft petal I identified with or I have gotten cold.Things I made an issue of prior to this ciaos feeling of an experience, I disregard now. I made a decision, one which will keep me sane.To give up. I chose to give up on things that pestered me. I quit worrying. I have given up on what I think people may think of me. I have chosen to appreciate simplicity and life, to love laugh and enjoy peace of mind. I chose to live.



Fall in love on a rainy day

Rainy days are my second favourite days. Some see it as a day where all plans are disrupted, however, take this time to do the following.

1. Fall in love all over again. This is the time where one gets to reflect on life, love and the future. Replay those great memories and get this butterfly feeling all over again.

2. Cuddling on a rainy day is the best. The place is cold and nothing is better than having a warm body next to you. At this point remember to be open and enjoy the time out that life has presented to you. Tell that person how much you love and adore them.

3. I love to read, but life sometimes get in the way. Rainy days are the best times to get a good book, curl up, relax and indulge yourself in that romance novel.

4. Watching a movie! You can sit or lay down and enjoy a beautiful movie. Having company is even better!

5. Bake some cookies.its the perfect family time, everyone can get involved. Get your favourite baking recipe and get started.

6. Tell stories. As a couple you can get to know each other even better. Share with your spouse things about your childhood. You can even make plans for the future. If you have kids, its the perfect time to share tales about their childhood, hug, kiss and cherish them.

To do list



#Vacation to do list

  1. Painting; I have extended the invitation to my husband and so we have agreed to venture on completing a painting. We have never painted before, however it will be something we will discover together.
  2. Gardening; I have already began a small home garden and I am intending on growing herbs in there as well. This will be the new addition to the lots.
  3. Sewing; Oh yes. I wont say I know how to sew. However I have done some simple things like, pencil cases and doll dresses. This summer I will be taking a step up. I have ordered a Brother sewing machine from Walmart and I intend on sewing a few things.                                           
  4. Exploring; there are so many places in the island of Saint Lucia that I have not seen, therefore I will be exploring as many rivers, beaches, waterfalls and other nature sites.
  5. Reading; I cant believe this wasn’t the first on my list! The goal is to read 50 books by summers end. I am currently reading The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife, by Ruth Ann Nordin. I am enjoying it thus far.
  6. Fishing; My husband and I have has a fishing rod for two years now, and we haven’t had the time to head out. this is definitely a vacation to do list.
  7. Other; This would include all other romantic things like long walks on the beach, park and having picnics.

List will be updated as new adventures pop up

When “the pain” pops up

We all go through tough times, each vary in its level of difficulty. Eventually we learn to deal with these situations or shove them under the table and move on with our lives. However, there comes a time when memories of these situations  pop up and flood our body with emotions. The body inturn gets confused and tries to battle the feelings we encounter. The eyes begin to release pain in the best way it sees fit to. The heart pounds at a rapid pace and the pressure it feels causes the brain to comand the mouth to open and scream.This level of pain stems from hurt which no amount of medication can cure.

In times like these, breathe and think of happy thoughts as difficult as it may be. Take a walk, write or hold on to the pillow and allow the pain to run its course. Right then there is a feeling of ease and  placing these memories  into a box in the mind becomes easy once again, until they decide to pop up once more.